A Happiest of Days, A Saddest of Days

photo of the artist from back when his hair was even longer

photo by Arina P.

written on April 30, 2019

God is good! Today has just been a most fantastic of days and I wanted to make sure I recorded at least some of it on the Roost, cause days like these are treasures and God's faithfulness ought to remembered. Consider it a very joyful Ebenezer.

Today was the last day of my sophomore year of college - meaning that the brutal hours of the finals push are at last over. I gave myself a massive storyboarding load to do, and as usual, not enough time to do it. I was up until 3:30 am this morning, very late for me, especially since I had been working on boards since 9am on the previous day... But I felt very proud of what I had made and the final sequence felt worth all the time put into it! Always nice when it works out that way. It was received positively during the critique (at 8am) and we had a nice storyboarding exam time/party. Summer was finally here!

Then I checked my email and found out that I had been offered an internship by Cartoon Saloon. And there was no one else in the animation lab. So I was free to express the intense happiness of getting my first ANIMATION internship EVER and reaching the beginning of summer in the most exuberant display of fist pumping, unskilled dancing, and shouts of praise. And dance and praise I did. I don't think I had felt this good all semester. I found Tom. He gave me a hug. Things were awesome. And when I found Aedan we learned that he had got the Cartoon Saloon internship too! So we're both going to Ireland this summer! SO AWESOME! Lots of high fives were to be had. It's still kind of hard to believe. But I am so thankful for God's providence and so ready for this summer. This was totally His doing.

Wow. Just wow. I'm going to Cartoon Saloon!

It all seems like a wonderful dream come true. I've been in a weird spot expectation-wise - since I applied to so many studios, I kinda thought I had to get a yes from at least one, but as the torrent of no's rained in, I was reminded of my equally strong expectation that there was no way that I would get an internship on the first go around. And one of my new favorite artists, who is leagues ahead of me art-wise, had been recently posting about her internship rejections. So I figured it was kinda out of the picture for this summer. But God works in mysterious ways, and here I am! I've never felt "imposter syndrome" before, but maybe this is what it feels like?

written on May 15, 2019

Everything has kinda come crashing down regarding the CS internship. About a week ago, Aedan and I got an email from Cartoon Saloon explaining that due to a strict minimum wage law in Ireland, they recently discovered that unpaid internships with non EU citizens were illegal. Cartoon Saloon unfortunately had to rescind their offer. It was a big shock, probably more to Aedan than me, cause CS is his dream studio and I couldn't really accept that this internship wasn't going to happen. I decided to fight this decision as long as I could, without burning any major bridges at the studio. My dad was able to find an internship visa that we hadn't noticed before, one that seemingly allowed for unpaid work even with the minimum wage law. We contacted friends and tried to get as much advice as we could (it's very nice to have a lawyer for a dad in these kind of circumstances). The visa was kinda a long shot - it required a lot of documentation and had a long (8 week max) processing time. But I wanted this internship and was willing to work even more for it. Cartoon Saloon seemed willing to consider this option. I read some Ireland travel books, finished an illustration announcing the internship, and started getting together the documentation, all as an act of faith. In retrospect, it may not have been the smartest idea to try to "prove" my faith to God. I was just praying that He would make a way, and I wanted to show that I knew he could provide. But I was offered this internship by grace, and if it was still going to happen, then it would be by grace as well.

But today was the death knell for the internship. Worried about the high processing time, CS decided that this option was too risky. And the wording in the email seemed to indicate that there would be no more options. It was over. And I can't blame them either. They've put in a lot of work trying to get just two little interns from the US when I'm sure they would have had a much easier time getting talented people from the EU. Throughout the whole process Cartoon Saloon has been very gracious, and I don't write all this out of anger with them. Please don't blame them either. I really like Cartoon Saloon! I still very much want to work with them and maybe Aedan and I would have the chance to next summer. If I am angry with anyone, it's the Irish labor lawmakers who didn't really consider this exception to their otherwise well-intentioned law.

But it still sucks. And it's hard to find the joy in today, or how things turned out. I've begun making plans for the summer that I hope will be fruitful: creating an artbook for sale and pre-production on my junior year film, in addition to some travel. I think it will be a good summer. But my window of time for getting an internship just got one summer smaller. (Many studios want people who are at junior level yet still in college - meaning I only have one more summer before I don't perfectly meet those requirements.) I thought it was important to share both the beginning and the end of this particular application experience, because the happy moments are the easiest to share online and the ones that are the most fun to write about. But the sad moments exist too, and ought to be remembered as well. I think it's easy to forget most, if not all, successful artists (well, actually, people in general) had moments when things weren't going well, when plans gave out, and when it seemed like there was nowhere else to go. And this just felt like one of those moments.

-dh