Hello Bloggerfolk!
After one of the longest breaks this blog has ever seen, I am back with your typically scheduled life-update-y kind of post that you've come to expect (and maybe dread? or cherish?) I promised myself that I wouldn't be one of those bloggers that leaves school, gets a job, and then never blogs again. (That's the very fate that befell this blog's spiritual ancestor, RIP) But now I see why that happens. Priorities get more intense, no one tells you how to manage your time, you decide to start watching Parks & Recreation on a more than regular basis... you know, all the usual things.
Also, while I've had my fair share of blog-worthy crises this summer, I've found that a lot of my post-college problems cannot be so easily discussed in such a public place. Therein lies the paradox of the personal blog. I want to be as honest as I can here so I can best represent and remember the reality of my journey through the arts. Yet I don't really want to do a career/social nosedive by putting everything out there. This is the third time I've rewrote this post, and I still don't know if it's really going to stick the landing. Which sucks, because I've had a lot to think about this summer. And I could have used some self-indulgent bloggy processing.
I've been thinking a lot about the idea of "liminal space" - the hallway between the doors, the muggy thunderstorms between summer and autumn (which have begun to roll in recently.) This summer has been a rather comfortable liminal space between what I expect to be two big seasons of my life. College is over, but at the same time, my career hasn't really yet begun. I'm in Nashville, so things are familiar, but my routine is different. Everything has been characterized by a vague sense of non-commitment. I've been housesitting, living at home, staying in Airbnbs, and moving places about every two weeks. I get to try new grocery stores, new neighborhoods, and new restaurants. Each place has its own unique delights: farmer's markets, trains rumbling past, thrift stores, pools, expensive grills. Grounding it all has been steady hangouts with consistent group of friends. These summer nights have been full of board games, swing dancing by the river, and jamming to "Come on Eileen" just one more time. I've been learning how to cook, hosting my first dinner parties, and making pies and smoked BBQ. And for weeks, the setting sun glowed a coral pink (brought on by the California wildfires.)
It's been a pretty great summer, but not one that can last.
Because eventually one has to commit. And to be honest, the idea really spooks me. I've dreamed up all these big dreams that don't fit neatly into your usual 9-to-5 job, 12-month-lease kind of living - like biking across a state, finishing a much-too-ambitious short film, or staying for a few months in a totally new place. These are the kind of dreams that are easy to make while in school and/or unemployed, which has been the case for most of my life up to this point. Yet the reality of being an adult means that I need to provide myself with food, gas money, and some semblance of stability.
In addition, I would, you know, like to work in animation which means committing to a season, crew, and studio. Despite there being an allure surrounding the infinite potentials that "Looking for Work" can bring in, I think "Now Making the Work" is the real stuff. Within the next few months, I'll need to decide where I'm going to live, and what work I'm going to do. Two choices that will shape the next year of my life, and possibly much, much longer. I don't think I've made a decision this big since deciding on a college in high school - and it's kind of freaky!
Huge, life-changing doors seem to open and close without my permission. I firmly believe that where there's a will there's a way, but as I look out on my post-college future, some of my biggest decisions appear to be deciding themselves for me. Some might find this to be a relief. Yet as a planner, prone to selfishness, and with a pretty definite (hypothetical) plan for how I thought post-grad was going to look, it's strange to find that I'm not the only author of my future. Covid restrictions, studio needs, pure luck, and ultimately God's hand are all coming together to shape what my story is going to look like. And they all don't seem to ask for my opinion very often. As a Yiddish proverb goes, if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.
Some of my older and/or wiser readers may have already figured this out and have been smirkingly shaking their heads at my youthful pride. As you well should. But for me, this has been a summer of realizing that the future refuses to fit neatly into any of my own expectations. I do expect to look back later and find that it was in an unplanned way better that what I had envisioned, but right now I may just need to stop running from it.
Summer is ending. School is starting. Not for me though, which is so weird. And for the past few weeks I have been paid to draw delightfully wicked animal characters for a show here in Nashville. It may not have been what I expected, but I won't deny that it's good. Or that God is good. Cause He is ;)
I've got a few art-tutorial type posts in the works, and then maybe another life update where I will have made more decisions, finally talk about this studio/job I keep hinting at, and have gone camping or something. Who knows! It's the future.
Until then,
-dh
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