One of the curious things about this whole Covid-time is that more than ever I've been filled with a desire to go out. I guess that's only to be expected when one is forced to stay in (and given a substantial amount of free time that can be filled with dreaming and doing). This summer I biked around the rural streets that surround our family home, each day going a little further, or down a new side street - anything to experience something new. I saw the Southwest desert for the first time. I worked my first little freelance boarding job and got to be a part of a real production. I had time to read and create portfolio pieces. Combine all this with last year's Lightbox trip (which felt like a deep dive into the animation world), and this past 12 months has been full of little hints of what the next stage of my life might be like - my life after college. So therefore I was a little surprised when I returned to college, found myself placed back into a familiar routine, and especially obligated to protect the health of our community, which means a limiting of excursions and travel around town. This isn't to say I haven't had fun, or been totally dorm-bound (thank goodness). But I do feel the strong call of wanderlust, which as a patient homebody, is a somewhat new and thrilling experience. Read chapter 1 of The Wind in the Willows if you want to know what I mean.
I'm at a point in my life where I feel strangely unsettled, and I'm not sure that's such a bad thing. Sure, I don't love that most of my immediate and extended family has moved from the childhood homes where I spent many Thanksgivings and Christmases and Halloweens. And sometimes it gets a little lonely being single. But that also means that I feel more free to go somewhere new, to see more of the world, and to move away and really pursue this animation thing.
Cause that's the kicker - throughout college I've known that I'll likely have to move away from Nashville and the familiar Southeast US in order to make a serious go at animation. And usually that's felt like a bummer. I do really love Nashville, Lake Norman, the Smoky Mountains, and all the people and places that surround them. But now? I'm actually kind of excited! The fact that I've been developing specialized skills which are in demand in all kinds of different places sounds like a great excuse to experience a new corner of the world. And since LA feels about as foreign to me as another country, I haven't even limited myself to US opportunities (really hoping international travel will be a little easier by the time I'm graduated).
I'm sure a bunch of this is a classic case of "the grass is always greener on the other side," and perhaps when I'm actually confronted with the realities of a 9-to-5, making bosses happy, and finding an apartment I'll feel a little differently. I doubt I'll ever have another time where I get to live on a campus, where friends are so close at hand, and everything is within walking distance. Maybe you'll even see a Roost post in a year or so where I wax nostalgic about college. In fact, you probably will ;) I think even being able to think and write like this is a luxury due to having been in class for 9 weeks, and not fully realizing that we still could be sent home anytime. BUT right now I'm still more than a little romantic about having my own place, not having homework, and perhaps even walking beneath the parapets of Kilkenny Castle (if I get really lucky).
If The Wind in the Willows has taught me anything, it's that there's always a push and pull between adventuring and home-craft, longing and contentment, creating tales and retelling them by the fireside. These twin impulses are both beneficial, dependent on each other, and take their turns in the life of every person. Right now I want to go. Sometime later I might want to stay. Both are good. I'm also trying to be fully aware that God may call me to stay right here in the American Southeast, and I gotta be ok with that. Cause at the end of the day, it's not about me or how cool it would be to see a Brisbane sunset. It's really about His kingdom, and serving it through my sketches and failed attempts (and blog posts). Wherever that takes me.
May you continue to weather these times with grace, courage, and creativity.
-dh
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